did my mother worry this much

I thought that today would be the day that we would get the news about the elementary school for next year.  We showed up on time with copies of all the necessary documents, only to have five minutes of face time with the principal so that she could then give us an application, which included a request for additional documents, some of which we just don't have.

Ahh. . . . the application. . . . I scanned it and was quite certain that I could fill in most blanks without any assistance.  Why then?  Why? Why? Why? Do I feel like such an idiot?  I requested the help of an Italian friend, just to seek reassurance that nome was indeed nome and that I was correct in writing "DANA." I mean, it's just basic, very, very basic information that is being requested of me, yet I am afraid to committ it to paper with ink. . . . hello! Forget writing a couple of simple sentences.

And, then, of course like every other mother I know . . . I question my choice.  Is this the right place for her?  What if she hates it?  What if they don't "get" her?  Oh, she'll be so freaked out by this change I'm sure she'll panic on the first few days oh i wish that her little friends were coming to this school as well will that one kid we know make the cut? maybe i should just keep her home with me yes that's it i'll keep her home with me i'll homeschool and protect her from the big bad mean old world and then she wont have to deal with this anxiety and then she'll be happy did my mother worrry this much? how could she have worried this much over me and my first day of school when she was a working mother of three living in a big house with no cleaning angel back in the day when fathers didnt do much and i turned out okay or even better than okay so okay she'll be okay and she'll go to the school afterall and i won't homeschool but i loved school from the first day and what if i spelled my name incorrectly or what word exactly is the correct one for my profession and i don't even know a word for what richard does and is that normal to be on a school application and does it matter that i wrote that she was born in napoli when she was really born in gricignano di aversa and how do i know that the english teacher will be good to her? do i need to translate her vaccination recor AND just who was that american who showed up early with a cold call today, with all the documents because he read it on the website doesn't he know what it takes to have a spot in this class?  did he see that my application had my cognome penciled in on the top corner and does that mean that the young one has a spot ohhhh do i really want to do this just how much art will she get? i wish wendy could be her art teacher and julie could be her teacher and richard could teach her music and dale could be her principal or her teacher and kara wow kara would be great but instead she's going to an italain school that has a blackboard on a stand right next to the teacher's desk at the front of the room omg chalk with little desks in straight rows man oh man am i happy that she can read already and where do these children go when it rains where will i park when i drop her off is it okay to just leave my car on the road with my lights flashing like all these people did today . . .

. . . and that is just the beginning of it.

We are making progress.